![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
I've been reluctant to actually write all the posts that crowd my head, I don't know why though I could invent reasons for it. Maybe because I hate that mostly what I have to say is about being kind of an invalid.
The thing is, I'm not an invalid because of cancer! It's all the treatment and my own lack of sturdy willpower to fight the fatigue and lack of ambition. The consensus is that it is due to the study drug, palbociclib, which I could theoretically ditch but every time I get close to that I somehow get maneuvered into continuing "just for now." But I'm not sure how it is due to the drug. Currently, my blood values are at the edge of normal in several ways but the nurse says none of them are low enough to account for fatigue, which is annoying because if she'd agree that there was a relationship there I might be able to argue, for example, for iron supplementation on the one hand, or that thing they gave me during chemo proper to boost marrow production of white blood cells. As it is, the only thing we were able to identify that I can do is to boost my water intake to 4 liters a day.
This is also problematic because in just over a week I am traveling to the UK and also to Paris. I have to have some strength! Actually, I'm not too worried. For getting there, I just have to put one foot in front of the other, and once I'm there I don't even have to do that. I could theoretically spend my whole time in Loughborough in Hana's garden when it's not raining and in her spare bedroom when it is. Of course what I want to do is to walk all over Loughborough and Leicester, get in a rowboat on the River Soar, eat food from different ethnicities than we have at home, maybe find a folk music or folk dance club to visit, find all the odd little museums...
It appears that once again I will be stymied in my desire to rent a bicycle for the duration. There does seem to be a possibility at Loughborough University, where Hana works, but I don't know if it will be available to me as a non-student. Otherwise it's 30 pounds a day in Leicester! Not happening.
I do love living in an age where it is possible to look online and find out when the buses run between cities in another country, a week and a half in advance. I can even buy my senior card and my ticket as soon as my check comes in. I have been watching my bank account deplete at an alarming rate, anxious about whether the bills will come in before my social security does, and they have been! I'm right now looking at effective zeroes, hours before the check should land (it is the fifteenth, right? I hope it isn't late because of the holiday weekend!) I'm really sitting on no folding money also, and I failed to sell my car...
which is another long story, but it boils down to: I was selling it as a running car, and it turned into a NON-running one right after money had changed hands, so now I have a spoiled transfer and release form, a non-running car, and no money.
The thing is, I'm not an invalid because of cancer! It's all the treatment and my own lack of sturdy willpower to fight the fatigue and lack of ambition. The consensus is that it is due to the study drug, palbociclib, which I could theoretically ditch but every time I get close to that I somehow get maneuvered into continuing "just for now." But I'm not sure how it is due to the drug. Currently, my blood values are at the edge of normal in several ways but the nurse says none of them are low enough to account for fatigue, which is annoying because if she'd agree that there was a relationship there I might be able to argue, for example, for iron supplementation on the one hand, or that thing they gave me during chemo proper to boost marrow production of white blood cells. As it is, the only thing we were able to identify that I can do is to boost my water intake to 4 liters a day.
This is also problematic because in just over a week I am traveling to the UK and also to Paris. I have to have some strength! Actually, I'm not too worried. For getting there, I just have to put one foot in front of the other, and once I'm there I don't even have to do that. I could theoretically spend my whole time in Loughborough in Hana's garden when it's not raining and in her spare bedroom when it is. Of course what I want to do is to walk all over Loughborough and Leicester, get in a rowboat on the River Soar, eat food from different ethnicities than we have at home, maybe find a folk music or folk dance club to visit, find all the odd little museums...
It appears that once again I will be stymied in my desire to rent a bicycle for the duration. There does seem to be a possibility at Loughborough University, where Hana works, but I don't know if it will be available to me as a non-student. Otherwise it's 30 pounds a day in Leicester! Not happening.
I do love living in an age where it is possible to look online and find out when the buses run between cities in another country, a week and a half in advance. I can even buy my senior card and my ticket as soon as my check comes in. I have been watching my bank account deplete at an alarming rate, anxious about whether the bills will come in before my social security does, and they have been! I'm right now looking at effective zeroes, hours before the check should land (it is the fifteenth, right? I hope it isn't late because of the holiday weekend!) I'm really sitting on no folding money also, and I failed to sell my car...
which is another long story, but it boils down to: I was selling it as a running car, and it turned into a NON-running one right after money had changed hands, so now I have a spoiled transfer and release form, a non-running car, and no money.