chapter seven

I finished chapter seven, which is actually a bit of eight, all of nine and a chunk of ten from the original. It is safely squirreled away online too.

So there are twenty-six chapters in the original version, and I'm collapsing the number of chapters and expanding bits and contracting bits. I think it will still be under 85K when it is done. I think I am about 40% through this rewrite.

There are things that seem weak to me. Like the way that the interface often knows things about his prusuers when he hasn't been asked, though he's not supposed to know anything without being asked at least once. Also I think the voice is not quite right. I think I need to shorten a lot of sentences in the earlier chapters to give the feeling of a simpler mind. My natural way of writing is with a lot of long sentences, using layers of clauses. Also using a lot of gerund forms. I think those need to be made less until later in the book.

But for now I'm continuing with this phase of the rewrite. Getting the whole thing into 3rd person, mainly.