Newspaper reporters need a crash course in anthropology

[ritaxis]

So I sent in a version of my father's life to the Chronicle editorial obituaries department. The reporter who called me to verify was completely flummoxed. "Who are the full siblings? What's a hanai daughter? Who is this Rosemary and why is she among the wives?"

She said "we don't use dialect" when I explained what hanai means (it's a Hawaiian term for a kind of adoption, much more inclusive than "adopted" or "step," though I think maybe my dad officially adopted Ch'asca, and I totally missed the opportunity to change hanai into adopted: I think it's going in as step). She questioned the number of grandchildren, which I had never counted, but it's six, actually, which seems funny to me, but there it is. There they are. So then she refused to list Rosemary among the survivors because she didn't have a sexual relationship with my father.

I said "I can hardly believe I'm talking to a San Francisco newspaper." The hospital didn't have any problem with my family: why should the newspaper?

("It's a news article, not an advertisement," she said, and I said, "You're writing about a real man and his real family. But I'm not arguing with you, just trying to explain.")

I told her we make no distinctions about blood or marriage or association in my family, that we are constituted as I said we were. But no.

On other fronts, I went to get my science fiction teeth today but some roots were fused to the upper jaw bone so I have to go to an oral surgeon to have them removed properly, which makes the whole procedure that much more expensive.

I wish I could make things all better for my kids: a thick letter of acceptance for the one, and freedom from pain for the other.

But the plum blossoms are blooming and if I would get myself outside to go stand under them and cry for beauty's sake I would be much better.

Comments

[cicadabug.livejournal.com]

I was very sorry to hear about your father, and amazed at the narrow-mindedness of the obituary writer. I wish I had better words of comfort for you, but at least know that you and your family are in my thoughts.

[kate-schaefer.livejournal.com]

Lucy, I'm so sorry about your loss. I'd been away from my compter for a few days, and missed the news at first.

Be good to yourself and those you love while you mourn, and after. As you are, in general, you know.

[cynthia1960.livejournal.com]

Hanai is such a useful word, it's a pity that mainland newspapers haven't gotten the clue. The Hawai'i papers use hanai all the time. My condolences to you and yours go over the hill.

[tavella.livejournal.com]

I'd be inclined to complain to the paper, for this

It's a news article, not an advertisement,

stupid crack if nothing else. That's snide as hell -- essentially accusing you of making up stuff for political/social reasons.

oh, dearie

[dragonet2.livejournal.com]

I've been sending you a wishing wave of warmth and love since I learned of your father's passing. It's painful no matter how / when it happens and especialliy a death from cancer.

Much love and good wishes for healing for your heart. Take care of yourself.

And I don't want too contemplate

[dragonet2.livejournal.com]

one of us passing. I'm in a polyfamily of three (FMf). I can just see the reporter trying to deal with THAT. "he's survived by his two wives?'' "She's survived by her husband and spouse?" Whatever. We're deliberate family, in love and care (we've been together as three almost as long as Jim and I were two with occasional trials with polyamory, it didn't have a name then).

[nycshelly.livejournal.com]

Sorry to hear about your father. And it doesn't help when you have to deal with such an insensitive reporter. My thoughts are with you.

[papersky.livejournal.com]

They don't use dialect? That's really remarkably provincial of them. I'd have expected them to be more multi-cultural.

At least there are the blossoms.