Beta a bitty story?

[ritaxis]

Instead of cleaning house I wrote a nearly 3.5K story this morning.  I made up some more folklore and wrote a weirdy thing.  Would any of you kind people like to look at it and tell me what it needs?

Here's the link.

You can comment there or here.

Comments

[genlisae.livejournal.com]

First, because I am by no means very technical when it comes to reading, it needs more. It is an intriguing snippet and I very much want to find out what happens next and what happened before and what is at stake and ... more.

Nothing jumped out at me as jarring. It flows well and keeps interest. The only thing that did catch my notice was the topic switch to the grandmother. At first I thought it was a typo and had to read the line a few times to realize they were now referring to the grandmother on purpose.

[ritaxis.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I think it is a part of an ongoing series, in which different sorts of things like Strom have different sorts of coming of age experiences. You're right in that not much actually happens here.

(I hope it's all right anyway because I got a fit of enthusiasm and already sent it someplace)

[genlisae.livejournal.com]

It is awesome the way it is. Wanting more doesn't always mean it needs more.